Tag Archives: new normal

I Don’t Want to Land on My Feet

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I’ve fallen many times.  My mother’s death from breast cancer knocked me down, off my feet.  My triple negative breast cancer diagnosis knocked me down, off my feet.  Growing up, I always heard the platitude that things are good if you land on your feet.  I’m going to remove this phrase from my vocabulary.  I DON’T, I never want to land on my feet again.  I want to fly, high!

Melanie A. Nix – Triple negative breast cancer survivor.  Resilience Coach, Reconstructionist™ and Health and Wellness Advocate.  Always striving to color outside of the lines when defining my new normal.

Putting the Puzzle Together

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Stuck in that place where your life is like a 1,000+ piece puzzle and you just don’t know how to solve it?  As a Reconstructionist™, I’m often consumed with how to put things together to solve this puzzle of rebuilding life after a breast cancer diagnosis, a life threatening illness, a life changing or catastrophic event.

My daughter loves puzzles and my late mother loved puzzles.  I’ve seen each spend hours or just a few minutes to quickly solve a puzzle depending on the type, the color variations, and the sizes and shapes of the pieces.  There are so many ways to solve a puzzle.  I remember my mother would start by picking out all of the corner and outer pieces (any with a straight edge).  She would build the entire frame first and then methodically complete the inner pieces.  My daughter will sometimes dump everything out and first work on pieces that have similar colors and graphics.  She will put together groupings of pieces at a time and then put those groups of pieces together to solve the puzzle and see the Big Picture.

Throughout my life, I’ve seen my late mother and, now, my daughter solve many puzzles; each with her own method and timing.  I’ve been guilty of feeling overwhelmed by the puzzle pieces of this “new normal” and being like an ostrich with my head in the sand.  But, I’ve learned that your head doesn’t need to be in the sand. There are multiple ways to solve the puzzle, some fast and easy and some more lengthy and difficult.  But, solving the puzzle starts when you open the box and dump out all of the pieces and begin to see things take shape.

Think about how you will you get started working on your puzzle right now!

Melanie A. Nix – Triple negative breast cancer survivor.  Resilience Coach, Reconstructionist™ and Health and Wellness Advocate.  Always striving to color outside of the lines when defining my new normal.

The Survivor’s Definition of Doing It All

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This Week on the Today Show, Maria Shriver reported on Doing It All  and the toll it is taking on women.  In full disclosure, I didn’t see any segment in its entirety, but got the overview and plan to watch in full this weekend.  I did watch most of a segment highlighting a woman who went from living a high income life to bankruptcy as a result of her husband’s loss of employment and his illness.  I don’t believe she detailed his specific illness, but it got me thinking about what happens to a Doing It All woman, in our Do it All culture of superwomanhood when she suddenly has to add being breast cancer patient to her list.

It’s like a car wreck, you are speeding through life, perfunctorily going through the motions when you crash, turned upside down with your entire life flashing before you.  It can be some of the most life altering news when you hear the doctor deliver your diagnosis .  “You’ve got cancer”.  In addition to your already exhaustive to do list, you now have to add survive which has several actions of its own.  Doing It All must now be redefined after an analysis of everything that you are doing and why you are doing it.

Wherever you are in life, especially if you are in the midst of a survival journey, make a list of why you are doing it all.  Below are a few of mine, but insert your own.

  1. I’m doing it all to survive.
  2. I’m doing it all to be healthy.  (I try to run a few times a week and often tweet about #exercising4mylife because my focus and my goal is to be healthy and I’ll often “miss out” on something else just to get in my exercise.  Alignment.)
  3. I’m doing it all to have a wonderful quality of life
  4. I’m doing it all to live life to the fullest.
  5. And, I’m doing it all graciously accepting unconditional support from my small but powerful A team of family and close friends

When you analyze why you are doing it all, it will change what you are doing, who you are doing it all for, and who you are doing it all with.  And, “all” will take on a new meaning and encompass only the highest priority to dos.  If your life has passed before your eyes, doing it all should have a heavy dose of selfishness and point back to you.  This is not to say that you discount your family and friends because they are surely the fabric in the tapestry of your life that makes it rich and beautiful; but, you are the glue.

Keep your list short.  Keep it close and review it often to keep your priorities aligned and subtract all the rest.   There’s nothing quite like a diagnosis of a life threatening illness to make you quickly assess what are wasteful time busters and what are essential activities.  Doing It All will have a new definition and should yield more meaningful outcomes.

January 17, 2014

Melanie A. Nix – Triple negative breast cancer survivor.  Always striving to color outside of the lines when defining my new normal.

 

Ask For What You Want

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If you don’t know this about me already, you’ll get to know it – I learn a lot from my children and their youthful fearlessness and innocence has been a welcome beacon of hope during my survival journey.  They’ve not been jaded by major life disappointments and, consequently, share their vigor with me.   They were very young; my daughter was 19 months old and my son 4 years old when I was diagnosed.  My thin frame and bald head are very distant and almost non-existent memories for them.  But, unknowingly, the support they provided to me during my diagnosis and treatment is irreplaceable, incomparable and invaluable.

A while ago, my children and I were at an event for my now 6 year old daughter.  As a reward for her and all of the other participants completing the event, she was given the choice of any flavor lollipop in the bucket.  My 9 year old son, who had not participated in the event, asked if he could get a lollipop as well.  As an immediate knee jerk reaction, I told him that the rules indicated that the lollipops were only for those who had participated.  Nonplussed by this, my son – ever the tenacious young man – decided it didn’t hurt to ask the person responsible for the lollipops.  I guess the teachings of my husband and I do sink in as we have guided our children, not to break rules, but to ask for what they want.  My son asked and was immediately allowed to pick the flavor he wanted.  He and my daughter left the event smiling and excited about the oncoming sugar rush.

I’m never a proponent of breaking rules that will hurt or harm another, but in the new normal, the rules are different and often have to be defined by you as the survivor, and as the fighter.  Old rules, paradigms and frameworks often have no place in the new normal and when causing no harm to others, should easily be broken.  As you design the most beautiful new normal you can have, you have to ask for what you want, work for it and there may often be a sweet surprise involved.

Melanie A. Nix – Triple negative breast cancer survivor.  Always striving to color outside of the lines when defining my new normal.